Today's guest post is brought to you by an experienced teacher and district leader dedicated to building learning communities focused on learner-driven design, social-emotional learning, and online/blended learning. She is also the author of the BRAND NEW incredible book, ranking Amazon #1 New Release in multiple categories...Evolving with Gratitude! Congrats and welcome, Lainie Rowell!

After reading this outstanding blog be sure to check out Lainie's #EvolvingWithGratitude using the link below. It's sure to uplift your spirit!

Let's learn more from Lainie! Take it away, friend!

Guest Post by Lainie Rowell

Have you ever struggled with indebtedness? 

In my latest book, Evolving with Gratitude, I share my own challenges, but I honestly had no idea that indebtedness would resonate with so many others. Maybe you can relate too…

Excerpt From Evolving with Gratitude:

I’m committed to being as transparent as possible when I share my journey and my relationship with gratitude, so I will start by saying that I struggle with indebtedness. I mean, I struggle deeply. I won’t bore you with the source of all that struggle, but I will share how it manifests. When someone does something nice for me, I often feel guilt and an urgency to reciprocate (possibly even outdo their kindness). If someone pays me a compliment, I tend to deflect or downplay whatever the compliment was for. If I’m having lunch with someone and they offer to pick up the check, I might insist on getting it. (Even when my original plan was for us to split it.) In doing this, I rob the other person of the joy of gratitude, and knowing this; I don’t feel great, either. I’m working on it, and I won’t lie: this one’s gonna take some time because this is part of my personal character.

Based on the responses shared on social media by our fellow educators, I suspect that a good percentage of educators may also struggle with indebtedness. Education is a profession that tends to attract highly altruistic people so it makes sense that a good amount of us are much more comfortable giving than receiving. What can we do?

Here are some specific strategies that I’m working on when I feel that indebtedness coming on:

1. Savor the intentions, costs, and value: Pause to reflect on the gift received. Then, with authenticity and specificity, thank the person without one-upping their efforts.
2. Pay it forward: Rather than deflecting or downplaying a compliment or a gesture, redirect that energy into prosocial behaviors like an act of kindness for a stranger.
3. Share the compliment: There are times when we, as individuals, are celebrated for work that others contributed to. This is a great opportunity to gracefully accept the compliment and assure the person complimenting that you will also pass it on to your collaborators. 

Let’s dig a little deeper into #1 and the idea of savoring the intentions, costs, and value. In the book The Gratitude Project, Jeremy Adam Smith shares that “the richest thank-yous will acknowledge intentions (the pancakes you make when you see I’m hungry) and costs (you massage my feet after work, even when you’re really tired), and they’ll describe the value of the benefits received (you give me hugs when I’m sad so that I’ll feel better).” In Evolving with Gratitude, we take a deep dive into specific ways to practice gratitude, but I believe we can immediately appreciate the power of acknowledging intentions, costs, and value.

What would this look like in our work as educators? Thinking about your interactions with kids and your peers, reflect on something that someone did for you that was meaningful, compelling, and/or moving to you. Now ask yourself the following questions:

• Intentions - Why did this person do this positive thing for me? What were they hoping it would bring me?
• Costs - What effort and/or sacrifice did the person go through to bring this positive to me?
• Value - What does this positive mean to me? How do I benefit?

Here’s the best part… Now that you’ve processed through the intentions, costs, and value, you’ve got specificity and you can authentically share your gratitude with the person you were thinking of in whatever way would be most appreciated by them (e.g. phone call, hand-written note, email, text). If you really want to go big (and it doesn’t feel like you are one-upping their gesture), write them a gratitude letter and personally deliver it. If the recipient would appreciate it, you could even read it to them. 

Thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to read this post. If you use social media, please consider amplifying your stories of gratitude with the world using the hashtag #EvolvingWithGratitude. Publicly expressing your gratitude is a great way to spread kindness and positivity. It will have untold ripple effects!

- Lainie

Have you ever struggled with indebtedness? 

Thank You, Lainie!

Wow! Thanks, Lainie. 

Friends, if you haven't grabbed your copy of Evolving with Gratitude, do yourself a favor...order it by clicking the link below! You won't be disappointed!  Also, be sure to follow Lainie on Twitter at @LainieRowell.

Did you know Dave had the pleasure of chatting with Lainie recently on Episode 14 of The #DaveBurgessShow? What a fun conversation! There are so many great takeaways about how gratitude can change your life--and they are simple, doable practices! Dave and Lainie even discussed whether or not she went to high school inside a spaceship! The answer may surprise you...